By Andrea Bartz and Brenna Ehrlich, Special to CNN
June 8, 2011 12:48 p.m. EDT | Filed under: Social Media
Dante himself couldn't imagine the gut-wrenching horror of realizing a split-second after hitting send that you've just screwed up.
Editor's note: Brenna Ehrlich and Andrea Bartz are the sarcastic brains behind humor blog and book Stuff Hipsters Hate. When they're not trolling Brooklyn for new material, Ehrlich works as an associate editor at Mashable.com and Bartz is news editor at Psychology Today.
(CNN) -- It's happened to all of us. You're going about your business, using multiple keyboards to tap out missives of variable sum and substance, and one to ten seconds after hitting send ... BAM!
The sounds around you drop to a static buzz. Your stomach plummets an inch or two south. A cold feeling fills your torso and a firecracker of horror explodes somewhere inside your rib cage.
Looking at the "recipient" field of your irretrievably hurled message, you have but one thought in your cranium: "OH, S---!"
You're not alone. In an AOL survey, 32% of respondents said they had forwarded an e-mail to the wrong recipient -- and if we had to wager a guess, we're assuming another 65% lied and the remaining 3% are living out their lives in rocky crevices, shunning both human contact and technology and emerging only occasionally from the shadows to take AOL questionnaires.
You see, switching up sendees is a pretty understandable error. The reply button is so darn close to the forward one, and what's more, when you're itching to spread the word about the latest harebrained move of Ida the Office Idiot, Ida's name just might pour from your trembling fingertips into the "To:" field.
Nowadays, e-mail isn't the only medium for majorly screwing up message-receivers.
In a window awash with Gchat exchanges, it's all too easy to type a quick response into the wrong blinking convo. And, as Rep. Anthony Weiner showed us, and as Mashable reported, the difference between an @reply and direct message is also pretty important.
Just about anyone with an iPhone has hurriedly hit the text app and begun a message, noticing a moment later that -- thanks to a recently received text -- the conversation you're contributing to is not with the intended recipient but with whomever texted you last.
Sometimes the results are vaguely embarrassing (your casual friend gets the text meant for your mom). Other times the results are close to life-ending (your boss discovers you think he is a "slobbering Rihanna-loving spineless brainless Neanderthal who spits when he talks and smells of sweat and Gouda cheese").
So let's review a few steps that can help reduce the likelihood of a "#@$%(!" moment, and then wrap up with face-saving strategies. You know, in the event of an extremely self-sabotaging recipient mix-up.
Keep your work e-mail 100% professional.
Obvious but oft-forgotten. Even if you're supercareful to send your hilarious jokes or snide cubicle observations only to your workplace partner in crime, your employer can -- at any point and for any reason -- access and read everything on your company account. So save the snark for the water cooler.
Fill in the "To:" field last.
This takes a little getting used to, but soon it'll be second nature: Type out your entire message, then return to the top to add your addressee. That way, when the only thought in your mind is "Drew's sweater makes him look like a froofy Shih Tzu with a wealthy and overzealous owner," your left hand won't still be jonesing to type D-R-E-W by the time you turn your attention to the "To:" field.
Don't rely on autofill.
This goes for e-mails and texts: Don't assume the computer knows which Chris you're thinking about. Take the extra 0.6 seconds to type a full name, and then double-check the e-mail addy your system pulls up.
Add a delay.
Dante himself couldn't have envisioned the gut-wrenching horror of realizing a split-freaking-second after hitting send that you've just royally screwed up. (It's akin to digging out your entrails with a grapefruit spoon ... while being gobbled up by Satan himself. In hell.)
Turn that adrenaline tsunami into a great rush of relief by building in a window in which to frantically hit "cancel."
Microsoft Outlook's "recall" function obliterates unread e-mails from others' in-boxes, but only if you're both on the same client or sender. Gmail offers the brilliant "Undo" function after you hit send, giving you a 30-second window to look things over as the e-mail sits patiently in cyberspace before hurtling into its addressee's reach.
Just click the little green icon on the upper right of your in-box and, in Google Labs, find "enable undo send." We've mentioned this lifesaving feature in this column before, and that's because time and care -- slowing down and kicking up the meticulousness -- are key to Miss Manners-worthy netiquette.
Use separate browsers for groups of Gchatters.
Plenty of workplaces use Gchat or AIM for on-the-spot communication. Avoid popping a workplace rant about your bossman's lackadaisical hygiene efforts into the wrong convo by keeping work stuff in one browser (Chrome, Firefox, etc.) and personal stuff in another.
Bonus: When said musky bigwig walks by, you can pop the productive-looking browser onto your screen.
And if you have screwed up? Well...
Do not do nothing.
OK, before you start firing the "Duh's," consider that, in your panic, not saying anything is kind of tempting -- and the person who now knows you think her hair looks like the little nest a mouse lovingly constructed in the corner of your basement? In her deep, deep shame, she's probably not about to bring it up.
So yes, your instinct may be to pretend it never happened and then awkwardly busy yourself with inspecting the buttons on the Flavia coffee machine whenever she passes by. Ignore your instincts.
Act quickly.
The longer the offending e-mail or message sits, the bigger and more heinous it becomes.
Apologize.
Grovel. Beg for her forgiveness. A call will be more appreciated than another e-mail. Tears would not be inappropriate here. Oh, and if the unintended recipient of a bullet-to-the-foot e-mail is your supervisor or a major client?
Pray... and be prepared to pack your bags.
Maybe at your next job, everyone will be faithful users of Outlook. And you'll have learned to watch your mouth.
Credit: CNN (www.cnn.com)
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